The Dark Side of the MoonIf boredom were a philosophy I would have lived my life by it.
Moonstar_McWind
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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Of Apartments and Fiance's

So the Apartment is awesome!  It's even tinier than originally thought once we got all of our stuff in it.  I love being in my own place.  I don't miss the house, other than getting alone time.  Brody's been a lazy jack ass.  He  let me do most of the unpacking and organizing.  I did however make him get off his ass and get a job.  Now he's going to pay half of everything.  I'm nobody's work mule thank you very much!  Ass, gas, or grass;  No body rides for free.

My little brother pulled through and he may or may not be coming home from Egypt, for good, at Christmas.  I'll believe it when I see it. 

Work has been good.  They give me as many extra hours as they can.  I'm working full time hours, without the full time benefits.  Story of my life.

Someone face booked me and asked what the deal with getting an apartment was.  It's really simple:  I didn't want to take care of someone else, or someone else's animals anymore.  The house has been utterly destroyed between Brother Hobo's lack of cleaning habits, and the animals.  Polly, the egyptian dog they rescued, isn't potty trained, so there's shit trodden into the carpet where Hobo hasn't bothered to pick it up.  The cat boxes haven't been cleaned since I left home in September.  A 3000sqft home with one lazy bastard, three cats, three birds, and two dogs is just too much for one person to deal with.  So I left.  And thank God.

I found the cheapest, nicest apartment I could, one that if thing fell through with Brody I knew I could take care of on my own.  Why didn't I make this leap before?  Oh right, school and work and crazy fucking family...  Right right right...

Since my family's departure for the desert land I am a much happier and healthier individual.  For the first time I can make decision and not have someone constantly on my shoulder nagging at me about how I didn't make the "right" decision.  It's more accurate to say that I didn't make the decision that they would have chosen.  My GOD, you mean I make my OWN decisions?  Sheer madness!

Life, other than the aggravation of living with my lazy fiance, is pretty awesome.  I'm loving it.  I've even lost 8 pounds!  Ha-ha!

But I lose track of the time.  Even though I have a new home, I must go back tot the old one every night to make sure my birds have been feed.  Hobo was starving them.  So even now, I am enslaved, but with the freedom I bought, life is better.

Off I go now,
Moonstar


Friday, October 30, 2009

So here we are two months later.

I'm moving into my first apartment in about five hours.  Sleep has been staved off by excitement and nervousness.  Then there's other stuff...

Last night my parents found my little brother passed out in a puddle of his own puke and piss.  Alcohol poisoning.  It was all they could do to bring him home to the flat.  They didn't take him to the ER like they should have because Egypt's health care is a joke.  Mom couldn't answer me as to weither or not he's responsive.  They slept in his bed last night, making sure he stayed on his side. 

With his desease he will be lucky to make it to thirty.  I have a fear that he's trying to burn himself out faster; Brighter as it were. 

Alot ha happened in the last couple of months that I haven't bothered to write about.  Things best left forgotten, boring days that bleed together, and this long search for an apartment.  There has been a break down, there have been tears, as well as laughter and some stuburness. 

All the tears I've cried thinking my little brother would die from his deasease and he may be taken out by a night of party drinking.  He's got to be alright, I keep telling myself.  We'll just have to wait and see.

So, the apartment is cute.  It's little, but we don't need much space.  A place where I can come home when I want to, shower when I want to, do my laundry when I want to, play rock band when ever I want to, as long as I like, a place of spontenayety. (Go go spelling powers).  Now all I need is a good night's rest.

I need to start using this thing more again as well, even if only in private mode.  Getting some of the things lurking in my brain out just might do me some good.

Moonstar


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Some Times People Do Change

Once upon a time, about four years back, I know a guy that told me people never changed.  So taken was I with this guy I believed his cynical words.  I will say that the vast majority of people are simply who they are, however I now know that there are people who change.

After I left Brody, he got off his butt, got into AA meetings, started going to his counseling sessions, landed a job that pays $10 an hour and that he can do during school, and signed up for classes and paid for them.  He uninstalled WOW from his computer and gave away the disks.  He packed lunches for us for a week and on my  hour we picnicked in his car.

And the most interesting thing is, he likes the changes he's made.  He's happier.  We're happier.

I was hesitant about letting people know we're trying to work it out, but I have since decided that I don't need anyone's approval, and I don't care about what other people think.

In all honesty it's rather liberating not to worry about it.  Since my parents have gone insane, blown through all of their money and credit, and left me with a debit I can't pay, I'm of the opinion they can sod off and never tell me what a fuck up I am or make a comment on my relationships again.

That brings me to something rather important.  I'm not going back to school this fall.  I'll go back to school once I have paid off the 3k I owe the University in back tuition my parents have sworn to me all summer that they would pay.  Had they just old me the truth, I would have payed it off my self, or applied for a loan sooner.  But no.  The loan I applied for I didn't get because I have no credit at all, and my parent's credit is screwed over completely.

So here's my plan: Make payments until my tuition is payed on by my parents, or until I've payed it off myself.  Then:  I'll either wait until I am married or 25 to go back.  I'm 22 now.  That's not so bad, and hell it may take me that long to pay everything off.
 
I'm waiting to see if Brody really will go to class this semester without me.  If he doesn't, it's over and I'll never think twice about blocking his number and pushing him from my life.  Is he does, we're talking about a small wedding in December.  That may sound cold, but I don't have to explain it.  It's simple:  He'll break my heart and all the belief I ever had in him if he screws this up.

So off I go to get ready for work.  Joy.
Moonstar


Friday, July 31, 2009


It's not as easy as I thought it would be.  I miss him (but he's not the one).

Moonstar


Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Saddest Part Is I Tried...

I tried for the last eight months, and tonight I finally left him.  This first crucial step to leaving him, though hard, was the easiest step in the process.  Now it's getting over leaving my best friend; not being able to call him and tell him some of the odd things only he would get, not watching movies together, or the odd grooming stuff we did together.

It just couldn't work. 

I'm tired now and want to curl up.  No good night calls tonight.  No sleepy "I love you"s.

This is for the better.  He's not my one.

Moonstar



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